Praise To You, Lord!

Lord, I don’t think there is any way that I can thank You for all You’ve seen me through this year.  As I’ve looked back on 2012 I have realized just all that I’ve gone through.  I’ve seen 6 different doctors in Alabama, Michigan & North Carolina, been in hospitals in Birmingham and Michigan, had more tests than I ever knew existed, tried more possible treatments for my headache, and endured multiple travels that were so hard on me.  Yet, by Your grace, I have been victorious through it all.  There was no human way that I could have wandered my way through it all without You, Your peace, Your grace and Your strength.  It simply was not humanly possible.  Looking back over 2012, I realize now that You have been paving the way for the doctor of Your choosing to truly identify what is going on inside my brain.  At each juncture this year You have eliminated the wrong diagnoses in order that the true diagnosis will be clearly evident when You show it to the doctor You desire to find and treat it.  You have narrowed the possibilities in such a way that the true diagnosis will shine through, showing us exactly what is happening inside my brain.  Thank You, Lord, for showing me Your overall plan in 2012.  I am awed and amazed at You and what You have done.  Again I am speechless.  You are truly Lord of All.  

“I make know the end from the beginning...”  Isaiah 46:10

“a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away...” Ecclesiastes 3:6

Happy Birthday!

Sing along with me.....

“Happy birthday to You, 

happy birthday to You, 

happy birthday, dear Jesus, 

happy birthday to You.”

Now, Lord, my response... same tune.

“Thank You, O my Lord,

thank You, O my Lord, 

thank You, Lord, for Jesus, 

thank You, O my Lord”

Awesome, Lord!  I can just hear the angels singing along with You and me.  Happy birthday, my Savior.  I’m so thankful You willingly came to earth to save me.  Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

Merry Christmas!!!

“For God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.”  John 3:16-17

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord.”  Luke 2:11

Connecticut

Speaking of suffering, Lord, the news from Newtown, CT pierces my heart and brings unspeakable grief.  Come, Lord Jesus, come.  

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  Psalm 147:3

Lucy

2 Kids, A Taco, and Cancer: Go Rub Some Dirt On It, You’ll Be Fine by Zach and Shawna Weber is the book of Your choosing for me to read right now.  You know that I’ve been following Lucy’s cancer story for well over a year, but this book brings her and her family’s story front and center in my life.... especially in light of my own physical sufferings.  The insight into this family’s battle with pediatric cancer has had a profound effect on me.  Their fear, perseverance, hardships, joys (yes, joys), defeats and victories inspire me as I face my own health challenges.  No, my sufferings are not as severe as theirs, but they are my own and in no way diminished by theirs.  My heart breaks as I read about their journey.  Watching and helping a child with cancer has to be one of the most difficult things a parent can do.  I cannot imagine what they go through every day.  

Yet, You, Lord, know all about watching Your Child suffer.  Jesus was misunderstood, mocked, beaten and battered while on earth and You had to watch it all from Your throne, knowing that there was no other way for Your human creations to come back to You.  You watched His suffering and let it happen because of Your great love for us.  While I am so grateful, Lord, for this Perfect Gift to us, I simply cannot imagine the magnitude of Your pain and agony through it all.  It is infinitely beyond anything I can ever conceive while I am still on earth.  All for love... You did it all for love, knowing full well what was going to happen.  I just can’t imagine, Lord... I just can’t imagine.  Thank You, Abba Father, for Your Perfect Gift Jesus, born in a lowly manger, crucified on a Roman cross and risen from the dead.

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

“He was despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.  Like one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we esteemed Him not.”  Isaiah 53:3

The Grinch

Lord, the now familiar story of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” has resonated throughout my life for quite a few years now.  The Grinch, because of his cruel, tiny heart decides that he is going to get rid of Christmas and takes all resemblances of Christmas away, thinking that Christmas cannot be celebrated without all the gifts, decorations and food.  For many this is true, Lord.  Yet You have shown me and placed in my heart a deep desire to celebrate the real reason for Christmas no matter what.  This year that lesson is extremely poignant in my life.  

This year, Lord, there is no Christmas tree in my home.  You have simply “deleted” that from my Christmas this year due to my health problems.  There are gifts, yet those gifts are simpler this year.  We will go to my Daddy’s house, Lord, and have one of our daughters with us there, yet I wonder how much strength You will give me while there to do all the things I usually do when visiting my family.  While I am so very grateful to be able to go to see my family, this year that isn’t the focus of my Christmas.  This year my focus is You.  May it always be so. 

Despite the world’s celebration of a secular Christmas, You have graced me with most wondrous times with You when I see that Christ in Christmas has not entirely been lost.  There was the spontaneous singing of Christian Christmas carols at the mall online.  The time of peace and solitude as I listened to Christmas carols with You in bed last night.  The peace of knowing that You are King and Lord of All, even when my “traditional” Christmas is altered because of my health.  You have truly given Christmas a new meaning for me this year.  More concentrated on You and the wondrous gift of Your Son, His life and His death for the salvation of the world, including me.  He truly is the Reason for the season.  I pray that more and more people in this world will realize this and turn their hearts toward Your Son at Christmas and throughout the year.  HE is the Gift.  May You be glorified in Christmas forever and always.  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him.  He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”  Colossians 1:15-17

“The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us.  We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, Who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”  John 1:14

Not One But Two!

Not one but TWO, Lord!  Just when my comfortable old tennis shoes had worn out completely and I found out that they have been discontinued, You provided TWO pairs of new tennis shoes!  To say that I am thrilled, Lord, would be a great understatement.  I thank You and my hurting feet filled with neuropathy thank You.  You are so good to me!  Your love, mercy and faithfulness overflow to me and I am awed, amazed and humbled by Your gift to me.  Wow, Lord, TWO new pairs of tennis shoes.  Perfect provision by my Perfect Provider.  Praise You from Whom all blessings flow!

“And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:19

“Now to Him Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.”  Ephesians 3:20-21

Good News But...

Thank You, Lord, for the safe and protected trip to North Carolina.  While the news from the doctor at Duke is “iffy”, the best news is that there is no ear involvement in my constant headache.  That is wonderful news.  One more possibility eliminated... thank You, Lord.  What a gift to be able to set aside any ear problems in the midst of all of this headache journey.  You are so good to me.  

Now we wait to see what You show the neurologist about my constant headache and all of my symptoms when we return in January.  Yes, I am way past wanting to know what is going on inside my brain, but I will wait longer if this is not the time for Your revelation.  Lord, it was “funny” the other day when I realized that this neurologist that I will see in January is the seventh neurologist that I have seen since all of this started on July 23, 2009.  I keep thinking that, in Your Word, seven is a number connoting perfection or completion.  How awesome it would be if this neurologist is THE one You will give Your true diagnosis to!  Yes, Your will be done.. but wouldn’t it be so incredibly awesome if You let us know what’s going on this time?  I get excited just thinking about the possibility!!!  AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

“I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come; I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.”  Isaiah 46:10

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”  Proverbs 19:21

More At Duke

The time is almost here, Lord.  Another trip to Duke for another evaluation in hopes of finding out what is causing or contributing to my constant headache.  This time it is with an ENT doctor.  I’m not so concerned about my time with the doctor but the tests before I see him (3 hours worth) truly bother me.  As I read about them and their possible side effects, I became distraught.  I know that all of this is necessary even though I feel that nothing will be found through this evaluation.  I do know, though, that this needs to be done in order to confirm or deny that anything in my inner ear is causing or contributing to my headache.  Somehow, however, the possibility of worse dizziness, nausea and vomiting just doesn’t sound appealing to me.  The only thing I know to do, Lord, is to ask You to “handle” it all.  I want what You want in all of this.  I simply need more grace to go through it all and to receive the results of the tests.  Long ago I reached my own limits as to what I can stand to go through in this headache journey.  No one but You can do it.  I have no strength, comprehension, concentration, focus or health anymore.  In the past I’ve said that it’s all up to You, but now, even more, it’s all up to You.  Is that true diagnosis or diagnoses coming soon?  What do You have for me, Lord?  By Your grace I’ll receive whatever You have for me.  I’m tired, so tired.  Help, Lord...........

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  Psalm 147:3

Ponderings

So many things going on in my mind lately, Lord.  Wonderings, decisions, planning and thanksgiving.  Just decided it all needs to be written down.  May that clear my brain to continue on my walk with You. 

My health- increasing areas of pain and exhaustion.  I feel like Job in chapter 2.  Yes, this too shall pass.  Right now though it is here and I need Your all-sufficient grace to get through it all.

“So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head.”  Job 2:7

“He replied... ‘Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?’”  Job 2:10

The election results- You are in control and I know that You will use this all together for good for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose, yet my heart aches for this nation and how we have forgotten that we need to follow You in all we do. 

“Jesus replied, ‘You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”  John 13:7

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”  Jeremiah 29:11

Christmas- Every time I go into stores I see few or no Christmas reminders that the birth of Your Son is the real reason for celebrating Christmas.  Political correctness has seemingly taken over and Your Son is lost among the secular commercialism of the Christmas season.  How that must break Your heart much more than it does mine.  

“For to us a Child is born, to us a Son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders.  And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”  Isaiah 9:6

So many things going on in my brain, Lord.  I give them all to You, Abba Father.  You alone change hearts, minds and souls.  As I consider all of these things, please don’t let me forget that I am to be content in and to praise You in all circumstances.  Prayer and praise to You always and to You alone, Father.  May I be humble and contrite before You as You shower  me with You peace about the many things that I have on my mind.  You are enough and You are in control.  Keep my eyes on You.

“Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:2

Believe, Trust And Follow

Lord, You know that this post has been brewing for quite a while.  I don’t know why You have delayed the posting, but You have.  Obviously this is Your perfect timing.  Thank You for letting me post it now. 

Another three words, Lord.  Three words that have impacted me as I continue my journey with You.  

Believe- believe that God is all He says He is

“We believe and know that You are the Holy One of God.”  John 6:69

“Yes, Lord, “ she told Him, ‘I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God Who was to come into the world.”   John 11:27

“Believe Me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.”   John 14:11

Trust- trust that, since He is all He says He is, He is able to take care of anything that comes into our lives

“But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation.”  Psalm 13:5

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this”  Psalm 37:5

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

Follow- go wherever He takes you, no matter what, knowing that He will never lead you where He will not keep you

“It is the Lord your God you must follow, and Him you must revere.  Keep His commands and obey Him; serve Him and hold fast to Him.”  Deuteronomy 13:4

“My sheep listen to My voice; I know them and they follow Me.”  John 10:27

“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”  1 Corinthians 11:1

Believe, trust and follow... a lesson and reminder that I need so very much in this long and tedious part of my journey with You.  Plant this deep in my heart, Abba Father, so that I may truly believe, trust and follow You as I walk with You throughout my life.  Thank You, Lord, for continuing to grow me up in You.  May all You pour into my life shine through me so that You are mightily glorified.  It’s really all about You.....

Back To The Pandas

Back to the pandas, Lord... You just showed me something about their eating and nutrition.  I never knew that panda bears could be used so powerfully in shedding light on Your Truth.  

On the panda cam, Lord, I just viewed one of the adult pandas eating its bamboo.  Now I know that pandas eat most of the day and need to eat a lot in order to meet their nutritional needs.  You showed me that we humans are like the pandas.  When we “eat” a little of Your Word, we are nourished some but at a minimal level.  However, when we “eat” all day long in Your Word and in prayer, we flourish and come to know You more and more intimately than ever before.  Like the pandas, we receive all we need to grow in You.  That’s what I want, Lord.  More of You, less of me.  Thank You for providing Your Word and drawing me closer and closer to You.  You are so good to me.  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.”  Matthew 5:6

“Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst.  The sun will not beat down upon them, nor any scorching heat.  For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their Shepherd; He will lead them to springs of living water.  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”  Revelation 7:16-17

Black And White

I’ve been fascinated for years, Lord, with your panda bears.  They are so pretty, cuddly looking and playful.  Through the years I’ve kept up with several baby pandas (via a zoo’s panda cam) and watched them become “teenagers” and loved every minute of it.  However, not until today did I see Your spiritual lesson in their beautiful black and white coat.  It all seems so clear now.  

The white of the panda coat represents the times I believe You and all You are, do and say then act on that belief, Lord.  The black portrays the times that I say that I believe yet act as though I don’t.  Lord, I love it when I truly believe and act like it, but I abhor the times when I pretend to believe but act out of fear, confusion and doubt.  Like the boy’s father I waiver between belief and unbelief, but still my heart desires You more and more, Lord.  I am so grateful that You love me no matter what and keep growing me up in You despite it all.  I DO believe, Lord.  Thank You for not giving up on me when I act as though I don’t.  Thank You for forgiving me.  You are so good to me.  

Then there is the obvious, Lord.  I see Your purity in the white and evil in the black.  It’s so clear.  Mostly white on the panda.  You and your purity are victorious over evil.  So simple, Lord.  

Every time I see a panda, zebra, white tiger, sheep, Holstein cow, dalmatian, skunk or penguin, Lord, I will remember the lesson of Your love for me in spite of myself.  I really do believe, Abba Father.  Thank You for loving me anyway and nudging me forward toward greater belief.  

Changes

“See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”  Isaiah 43:19

I know, Lord, that You never change.  I also know that You are a God Who changes Your children.  You change us from lost to saved.  You change us from babes in Your Word to being saturated in Your Truth and wanting more of You.  You change relationships, circumstances and so much more.  You, indeed, Lord, are a God Who changes Your people and their lives.  

Thankfully, You provide Your all-sufficient grace to walk through and make those changes that You desire in my life.  The last several days have made that abundantly clear to me.  You are changing my life in multiple ways and that makes me cling even more to You.  I don’t fully understand why You are making all these changes in my life, but I will follow wherever You lead me... all by Your grace, of course.  Thank You for Your peace in the midst of it all.

Taking things from my life and eventually adding others..... You give and You take away.  May Your Name be praised and You receive all the glory in and through all these changes.  

Refreshed

Well, Lord, it seems that You want us to return to Duke for further evaluation by two other doctors.  Waiting to find out when.  Thank You for Your perfect timing for those appointments. 

Last night, Lord, You know that I just wanted to quit this headache journey.  I was tired of hurting, tired of being poked and prodded, tired of no true answers to it all and tired of traveling from one doctor to another only to find that they can find nothing that answers the many questions about this headache.  I whined and complained... then I heard the song on the radio “Be Thou My Vision” and You started turning me around.  This journey is not about me.  It’s all about You.  I must “get over myself” again and stop trying to muddle through all of this on my own.  I’ll never make it if I don’t rely fully on You for every step of the journey.  You brought me to complete surrender again, however, I still need Your all-sufficient grace to live out that complete surrender in all of this.  It just seems to get more and more difficult (shouldn’t be surprised by that at all) and my headache hurts more and more with greater intensity.  The battle is getting so much more difficult.  Thank You for continuing to persevere in walking me forward until You reveal all that You want me to know about this constant headache.  

Forgive me (AGAIN!) for my wandering from You and Your ordained journey in me and through me.  I’m so grateful for Your long-suffering with me.  You are so good to me.  

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, and His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  I said to myself, ‘The Lord is my Portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”  Lamentations 3:20-24

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but  not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

One Day At A Time, Sweet Jesus

It’s official, Lord... my theme song now is “One Day At A Time”.  It’s a reminder to me to take one day... no, one moment... at a time.  It’s the only way that I can walk through this journey with You, Lord.  It’s the only way that I can keep my eyes on You as You diagnose and treat whatever gift or gifts that You have for me in my health.  Thank You so much for showing me once again that You are my only Hope.  Though I don’t know what to do, my eyes are on You.  By Your grace I will follow wherever You take me, trusting that You alone know what is best for all concerned.  YOU will make it all possible, for there is nothing that is impossible for you.  How grateful I am for Your unending love, wisdom, and guidance.  Lead and guide me in Your path for me.  I’m right beside You, Lord, with my eyes on You alone.  Please keep me beside You, not walking in front of You or behind You.  You know how I tend to want to get ahead of You.  One day at a time, Sweet Jesus.... one day (moment) at a time.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”  Psalm 121:1-2

Duke Plans

Thank You, Lord, for the appointment at Duke University Med Center on Tuesday, October 9th.  I wonder what You will show them and where You will take me from there.  I know You will lead the way for me.  You always do.  

I have to admit, Lord, that it overwhelms me to think of having a lumbar puncture, a CT myelogram and another blood patch at Duke.  You alone will get me through the pain and give me the grace to accept whatever You show them.  What would I do without You?   I’m so thankful that I won’t ever have to find out.  

As I read the posts on the CSF Leaks Facebook page, I hear many heartbreaking stories from those who suffer with this and more.  Please grant me Your grace to keep my eyes on YOU alone instead of becoming fearful as I read their posts.  YOU are my Hope, not man.  It is You Who will show man what You want done and You will be the One Who determines which path my health will take.  My trust is in You and I will follow wherever You lead me.  Praise You, my Abba Father, Sovereign Lord, King of kings and Lord of lords!  You are worthy of all praise, honor and glory.  

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the Name of the Lord our God.”  Psalm 20:7

What A Week!!!

Boy, Lord, this week You have shown me just how much You sustained me while I was in the hospital in Michigan!  I wonder if I’ve ever been so exhausted in all my life as I have been this week.  My brain and body has functioned only because You made it possible.  My mind and thoughts have come only because of You.  Every time I have had to walk, grocery shop or anything else YOU have provided my every need.  You have been my Strength “in neon” ever since we got home.  Thank You for continuing to be my Strength at all times and thank You that You have given my body and mind some rest as well.  Yes, Lord, I still depend on You to provide my every need and, yes, I still have little energy or presence of mind, but I know that I am better than I was when I first came home.  For that You receive all the praise, honor and glory.  One day at a time, Sweet Jesus, is the only way I know to live anymore, Lord.  Thank You again for never leaving me nor forsaking me.  I rest in Your arms each moment of every day just so I can make it to the next step of our journey on this path.  Praise You from Whom all blessings flow!

The more I read and find out about spinal fluid leaks, Lord, the more ominous this journey sounds.  Please give me the grace to keep my eyes on You and not on the human circumstances.  There is no doubt that You alone will show me the way and make that way possible wherever You lead me.  Right now, if I think about it too much, the way sounds filled with much pain and treatments for the rest of my life.  If that is the case, Lord, You will carry me in Your loving arms and make the way possible.  I, believe it or not, am eager to find out what You have in mind for me.  I just know that it will mightily glorify You and that Your love will shine through it all, drawing others to YOU.  That’s exactly what I want... 

“Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I Myself will help you,’ declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.”  Isaiah 41:14

In Michigan With The Lord

How do I describe all You did in Michigan, Lord?  Please give me Your words, for only Your words can tell of the mighty works that You brought to pass while we were there.  It is truly indescribable.

**You made the impossible trip there possible by providing peace, grace, strength, and stamina...

**I finally felt “heard” when I spoke with the nurse and doctor for THREE hours about every aspect of my headache...

**Your timing was perfect for the day of my entrance into Chelsea Community Hospital and You provided just what I needed in my care, procedures, relationships with doctors and other staff members as You poked and probed into my body to lead and guide them to Your conclusions about my headache and health.  You gave me peace, grace and strength to endure the pain, the painful procedures and their aftermath.  You provided every step of the journey while I was in the hospital. You most assuredly provided Your all-sufficient grace to stay in the hospital for all 15 days......  

**You gave me caring and knowledgeable doctors and other staff members who knew just what You were showing them and made it clear, not only to them, but to me (at a later point) what steps needed to be taken in my health to bring me relief AND the grace to endure the medicine side effects.....  

**You showed the doctors very clearly their limitations to complete Your diagnosis of the cause of my headache (low spinal fluid pressure levels and leaks of spinal fluid) and had them refer me to a neuro-radiologist at Duke University as soon as an appointment there can be set up.  At Duke You will show them the multiple tiny leaks of spinal fluid and then You will “plug” those leaks, which should relieve my headache from that source.....

**Then You gave me hope that, should this not be the whole source of my headache that You have for me, You have kept the door open with the clinic in Ann Arbor so that I can return, if needed, so they can investigate further into some other symptoms that could still be causing my headache.....

Every step of this headache journey is bathed in You, Lord... in Your love, provision, mercy, grace, peace and strength.  No end in sight yet, but You have never forsaken (and won’t ever) me no matter what I face.  I have felt enveloped in Your peace, grace and arms every moment.  Praise, honor and glory to You, my Abba Father, the One Who loves me like no other and cares for me within Your everlasting arms...

Soon You will show us the next part of this journey.  A trip to Duke University looms in our near future and no one but You know what You have for me and my family there.  I am certain that Your loving care for me will shine through there as well.  This headache journey is far from over, but, without a doubt, You will be there carrying me and my family all the way.  Again, may Your will be done and may You be mostly highly glorified in every way.  Let Your love shine through me to others so that they will be drawn to You in every way.  I surrender it all to You again and can’t wait to see what You accomplish in this next portion of the path You have for me.  

“The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”  Psalm 126:3

The Saga Continues

“The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”  Isaiah 58:11

Tomorrow, Lord.  We leave tomorrow.  850 miles and a three day trip.  I can’t wait to see how You make it possible for me and my sweet husband.  It’s going to be amazing... something only You can do.  Thank You now for the awesome trip we are going to have the entire time.

Can’t wait to see what You show the doctors and staff in Michigan about my brain problems, Lord.  It will be something that none of us have ever thought about before.  Thank You for the peace and grace to receive all the gifts that You give me while there.  

Lead us and guide us, Lord, in the center of Your will.  Praise, honor and glory be unto Your Name, my glorious Lord.  You are worthy to be praised

A Heart To Go

For nothing is impossible with God.”  Luke 1:37

Well, Lord, it’s no secret that I’ve been having a hard time accepting this trip to the Michigan headache institute.  In my head I surrendered to You and it, but deep within my heart I still struggled to accept this.  I was so upset about my need to go all the way to Michigan for a headache.  It seemed so “unbelievable”.  So, Lord, my struggle continued despite my giving it all to You.  

But God....  only You, Lord, could do what You did on my birthday this week.  You brought me to a heart surrender to go to Michigan to receive Your gift(s) to be revealed there. I am now ready to go to Michigan, fully knowing that this is Your plan for me.  I still have no idea what You will do in Michigan, but I know it will be for Your greatest glory and for the good of all involved.  How could I not go?  Thank You, Abba Father, for Your precious gift of tears and total surrender to Your will, not mine.  You are so loving toward me.  The praise, honor and glory is all Yours.... just as it should be. 

“The priest answered them, ‘Go in peace.  Your journey has the Lord’s approval.’”  Judges 18:6

Going

“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  Deuteronomy 31:8

I’m really going, Lord.  I kept trying to tell myself that going to Michigan really wasn’t necessary, that I could find answers somewhere else... somewhere closer to home.  However, You have surely shown me that Michigan is where You want me to go.  Why?  I have no idea at all, but it is.   So Michigan it is, Lord.  I can’t imagine what Michigan will find that others could not.  Guess I’ll find out in the next month.  

LOTS of paperwork to be filled out to take to Michigan.  Lots of plans to make for the trip.  Lots of things to do at home so we can leave the house in “show ready” condition.  Lots to do, Lord.... all by Your amazing grace.

I’ve been wondering, Lord, how You will use me and my time in Michigan for Your greatest glory.  Right now it is truly a mystery to me, but I know You are sending me to do Your will in all of this.  Don’t let me miss seeing You and letting You be seen in and through me.  I just can’t imagine what You have planned.  I’m so thankful for Your faithfulness to make the way straight so that, in all things, Your good, perfect and acceptable will is done.  May You shine brightly through it all and draw others to Jesus.  Can’t wait to see how You do all of that...  

All About You

“Then He called the crowd to Him along with His disciples and said: ‘If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me and for the gospel will save it.’”  Mark 8:34-35

Once again, Lord, You have deepened my understanding of Your Truth.  As I’ve struggled through these times of physical problems, without meaning to, I have concentrated on myself, my healing, and my need for You.  I’ve focused on what You can do for me instead of the glory that You will receive in and through my challenging gifts from You.  Please forgive me.  

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  2 Corinthians 4:17-18

No matter what happens in my health, Lord, I really do desire that You receive the greatest glory in it all.  Use it to draw all involved to You.  Use it to shine through every moment of every situation.  Use it so that others will know that You are God and there is no other.  Use it, Lord, use it all... and, by Your grace, Lord, use me as Your instrument amidst it all. 

Dotsy and Me

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Such a blessing, Lord.  You knew just what I needed.  Who but You could bring Dotsy to Montgomery for “such a time as this”.  Although she and I are “new” friends, You used her to bring me great encouragement.  

She and I only had a short time together, but we could have enjoyed much longer together.  Another time.....  In that short time, though, she, through the comfort she received from the Lord while battling a rare cancer, encouraged me by reminding me that there is a time coming when I will be on the other side of my current health problems.  I guess I had lost sight of that, Lord.  Forgive me.  You brought Dotsy all the way to Montgomery just to tell me that.  I am forever grateful.  

Sisters in Christ.... bound together by our love for You. Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Dotsy.  

W.A.L.K.

For some time, Lord, You have been using the word “walk” to describe my journey with You.  While in the hospital recently, You “fleshed” that out for me.  As only You could do, it “fit me to a T”.  Of course it did, Lord.  

So here we go, Lord... the expanded version of “walk”.

Wait and Watch

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.  Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil.”  Psalm 37:7-8

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  Psalm 27:14

“The angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, Who was crucified.  He is not here; He has risen, just as He said.  Come and see the place where He lay.  Then go quickly and tell His disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you in Galilee.  There you will see Him.’ Now I have told you.’”  Matthew 28:5-7

“Suddenly, when they looked around, they no longer saw anyone with them except Jesus.”  Mark 9:8

Adore

“Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy Name.” Psalm 103:1

“Praise the Lord.  Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.” Psalm 106:1

“Every day I will praise You and extol Your Name for ever and ever.  Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom.”  Psalm 145:2-3

“Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.  Praise the Lord.”  Psalm 150:6

Let Go

“Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done.”  Luke 22:42

“For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of Him Who sent Me.”  John 6:38

Know

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psalm 46:10

“He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”  Mark 4:39

As I walk with you, Lord, may I wait and watch for You.  May I adore and worship You at all times.  May I let go and surrender all to You alone.  May I know that You are God and there is no other.  

Where will we walk today, Lord?  By Your grace I’ll follow.  

An Unexpected Next Step

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”  Psalm 73:26

Lord, You constantly surprise me.  You turned a “simple” neurologist’s appointment into something I never dreamed would happen.  First you sent me to two neurologists in Montgomery, then to two neurologists in Birmingham and NOW to the Michigan Headache & Neurological Institute in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  To say that this revelation stunned me is a huge understatement.  Are Your answers to be found in Michigan?  Never in my wildest imagination, Lord, could I have ever thought that this would be my next step in this 3 year headache saga.

Since You first showed me this next step, I have gone from “oh, no, how can I do this?” to “Your will be done, Lord”.  I feel like You are still preparing me for this next part of this journey, though.  By the time we get there, by Your grace and securely held in Your loving arms, I will be ready for Your next gift.  

 According to my neurologist, Lord, there are at least TWO health issues in my head.... the hydrocephalus  and also the headache. I can’t wait until You show the Truth of all of this that goes on in my head.  You are narrowing in on the true diagnoses and You will victoriously show us what they are and how to deal with them.  Keep my eyes on You, dear Lord, and show us the way to Your Truth. 

Your Word comforts me...

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”  Jeremiah 29:11

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23

“... God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”  Hebrews 13:5b

I Thought.....

“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord.  ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.’” Isaiah 55:8-9

Indeed, Lord, Your thoughts and ways are infinitely higher than mine.  I’m always amazed at how You work in the midst of earthly circumstances.  Throughout the last eight years (approximately) I have seen You order and regulate my many medications.  The ones You wanted me to take, You made them possible for me to tolerate.  The ones You did not want me to take, You overwhelmingly made it impossible for me to take.  While depending on You to show me through the maze of the various gifts of poor health You have given me, I have seen You do mighty miracles of physical healing as well as mental and emotional healings.  I have seen Your hand through it all and I praise You for Your great mercy and compassion in it all. 

This time, Lord, is no exception.  This new medication appears to be one that You are not going to make possible for me to take.  I truly believe You are going to take me on to surgery to have a shunt put in my brain to relieve the pressure.  Could I be wrong?  Of course I could, but this is what seems to be Your plan.  Your timing for the shunt is the only question that I have.  It is a certainty that I will be having one put in, Lord.  You have already made that clear to me.  Thank You for Your peace and grace to have that done.  May it be done in Your perfect timing, in Your perfect way and in Your perfect place with Your perfect neurosurgeon.  I trust You, Lord, to walk with me through it all.  One step at a time, sweet Jesus.  Trust and obey...

Knowing

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

For a long time, Lord, I’ve sought You for the answer to my constant headache.  For almost three years my constant headache has hounded me and I’ve sought Your mercy to reveal its source.  Yesterday you did just that, but it was certainly something that I never, ever thought it would be.  

Hydrocephalus... something I have always thought was confined to newborn babies.  Now I learn that, at the age of 63, hydrocephalus also comes to adults and “the elderly”.  Yes, that includes me.  To say that the diagnosis surprised me is a huge understatement.  This is something I would never have ever suspected.  I’m still processing it all and learning as much as I can about hydrocephalus, the medication that I’ve started taking for it and the potential for having a brain shunt put in at some point.  Show me, Lord, all that I need to know and give me Your peace that passes all understanding.  It’s sobering to suddenly learn that I have something that could kill me if left untreated.  It’s not yet my turn to come to You.

Since receiving this diagnosis, I have looked back over the past several years and have seen Your amazing love and power that has strengthened me, helped me, and upheld me in situations where I should never have been able to function.  Your hand of protection on me is the only reason I am still here and functioning.  Such a gift, Lord, makes me speechless and eternally grateful.  I am humbled as I consider it all.  You have done great and mighty things and I give You all the praise, honor and glory.  I thank You, Lord, for it all.

Having said all of that, Lord, I surrender this to You.  We both know that I am unable to bear this gift apart from You.  Lead and guide me in the path You have for me.  I will walk beside You in this, holding Your hand and keeping my eyes on You.  Only by Your grace, of course, Lord.    

Test

“For I am the Lord, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand, and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.’”  Isaiah 41:13

“for it is God Who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.”  Philippians 2:13

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”  Genesis 50:30

Spinal tap with radioactive isotope + cisternogram= one more step to the true diagnosis of my constant headache.... thank You, Lord!  If the answer is not through this test, You will show us where to go from there.  

“The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”  Isaiah 58:11

I can hardly wait, Lord.  No matter what comes, I know that YOU will be with me.  I indeed can do all things through Christ Who gives me His strength to face the unknown.  May it all be to Your greatest glory, praise and honor. 

Nervous

Why am I nervous, Lord?  I’ve been to a lot of doctor’s appointments in the past several years, but those that are coming up in the next two weeks are causing apprehension in me.  I don’t want that apprehension, but the Enemy seems insistent that I take my eyes off of You and worry about what “could” happen at those appointments.  While I fully trust that You alone are sovereign about what happens in those appointments, the unknown is hard to accept right now, especially about the appointment with the new neurologist.  I am weary (and impatient, I’m afraid) of not knowing what is going on with this constant headache.  I believe You have told me in Your Word that You are going to give this a name through this new neurologist.  I want the true diagnosis, but certainly wonder what that true diagnosis is and how it will change my life and the lives of those I love and care for.  Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing to do, Lord?  You have gone before me and You know what is coming.  You have already made the way for me to walk forward in whatever Your plan for me is.  You are Sovereign God and I need Your peace and grace for all these appointments.  Why am I worrying?  Ok, Lord, I know why.  I’m looking at things through the eyes of man, not Yours.  Such a foolish thing to do.  BY YOUR GRACE, I will walk into these appointments with hope in You.... that whatever happens is part of Your plan for my life so that You may increase in me and in the lives of others and that we will all decrease... all to Your greatest glory.  Not my will, but Yours be done, Abba Father... Yours alone. 

“The Lord is my Light and my Salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the Strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”  Psalm 27:1

“Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all of you who hope in the Lord.”  Psalm 31:24  

The Son-Powered Life

“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, Who is the Head over every power and authority.”  Colossians 2:9-10

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him Who called us by His own glory and goodness.”  2 Peter 1:3

It’s funny, Lord, how You fill me with Your thoughts.  As I watched a television commercial tonight, there it was.  A simple commercial from an air conditioning company made such sense to me when I changed one tiny letter in their slogan.  They spoke of sun-filled power (a reference to solar power, I believe), but my first thought was not sun-filled but SON-filled power.  That’s what You have given me... the power of Your own Son living in me, enabling me to live an abundant life through Him.  That, dear Lord, is my desire.  Please, Lord, may I live that Son-filled life day by day so that You are always glorified in and through my life.  Yes, Lord, I know.... all by Your grace.

Stability

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”  Hebrews 13:8

Stability... something that the world cannot offer me, Lord.  In this world everything changes... the weather, my circumstances, my health, my relationships, my location, my finances.  There is no certainty in this world.  There is no stability.

Then I think of You, Lord, and I know that I know that I know that YOU are my only stability.  There is no security apart from You.  You alone are my only security, my only stability.  When the world around me is chaotic, I look to You and find stability and security, peace and grace, power and strength.  I find the Way through anything in this world.  

“The eternal God is your Refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.  He will drive out your enemy before you, saying, ‘Destroy him!’”  Deuteronomy 33:27

“Simon Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.  We believe and know that You are the Holy One of God.”  John 6:68-69

1 Peter 5:7

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”  1 Peter 5:7

You know, Lord, I’ve known this scripture for years, but this week You have taken it from my head and placed it in my heart.  It used to be words in the Bible that I read, but now it is part of me... it is mine.  You are the One to whom I can literally give all my worries, fears and anxious thoughts.  I know that Your gifts are given at Your perfect time though Your timing is still a mystery to me.  But, I am so thankful for the work You have done within me with this scripture.  My life will never be the same because of what You have done this week.  My heart is full and overflowing with gratitude.  You are so merciful to this child of Yours.  

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:27

His Protection

Boy, Lord, I have seen Your incredible protection in the past two months in mighty ways... last month in my accident and yesterday in Mike’s accident.  I should have at least three teeth less after my accident and Mike’s eye should be punctured if not blinded.  Your hand protected and saved each of us in what should have been much more serious injuries.  Saying “thank You” is my feeble way of giving You the glory for what you have done.  You constantly amaze me in the ways that you shower Your merciful love on Your children.  I’m thankful to be one of Your own.  Again I say... thank You.  

“You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”  Psalm 32:7

Praise

“Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of lips that confess His Name.”  Hebrews 13:15

Lord, I want to constantly give praise to You.  May I see Your greatness and power in all things as You work in me and around me and praise You.  Casting Crowns said it well in their song “Praise You in This Storm”.  No matter what’s going on in and around my life, may it all be to the praise of Your glory.  I want to rise in the morning with praise to You on my lips, walk through my day with praise on my lips and close my day with praise for You in my heart and mind.  Praise... what a beautiful way to celebrate You every day.

I Could Not Do Without Thee

“I could not do without Thee
O Savior of the lost,
Whose precious blood redeemed me
At such tremendous cost.
Thy righteousness, Thy pardon
Thy precious blood, must be
My only hope and comfort,
My glory and my plea.

I could not do without Thee,
I cannot stand alone,
I have no strength or goodness,
No wisdom of my own;
But Thou, beloved Savior,
Art all in all to me,
And weakness will be power
If leaning hard on Thee.

I could not do without Thee,
For, oh, the way is long,
And I am often weary,
And sigh replaces song:
How could I do without Thee?
I do not know the way;
Thou knowest, and Thou leadest,
And wilt not let me stray.

I could not do without Thee,
O Jesus, Savior dear;
E’en when my eyes are holden,
I know that Thou art near.
How dreary and how lonely
This changeful life would be,
Without the sweet communion,
The secret rest with Thee!

I could not do without Thee;
No other friend can read
The spirit’s strange deep longings,
Interpreting its need;
No human heart could enter
Each dim recess of mine,
And soothe, and hush, and calm it,
O blessed Lord, but Thine.

I could not do without Thee,
For years are fleeting fast,
And soon in solemn oneness
The river must be passed;
But Thou wilt never leave me,
And though the waves roll high,
I know Thou wilt be near me,
And whisper, “It is I.”

Written by Frances Ridley Havergal

My sentiments exactly.  I couldn’t and I’m so glad that I don’t have to.  

“... God has said. ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.  So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my Helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?’”

Be, Do and Go

Lord, lately You seem to be placing these three words on my heart- be, do, and go.  Little, short words, but how potent they are to me.  My thoughts have been going this way... I am to be all that You want me to be, do all that You want me to do and go wherever You want me to go.  These three tiny words seem to be a summary of my life in You.  That fully surrendered life that You continually call me to.  These three words seem to incorporate all the aspects of my following You.  By Your grace may I always be who You want me to be in You, do all You want me to do through You and go wherever You lead me so that, in all things, You will be mightily glorified in and through this precious life You have given me.  Thank You for my life and for Your gift of salvation.  I continue to surrender all to You, Lord. 

“Peter said to Him, ‘We have left all we had to follow You!’”  Luke 18:28”

My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me.”  John 10:27