Knowing

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

For a long time, Lord, I’ve sought You for the answer to my constant headache.  For almost three years my constant headache has hounded me and I’ve sought Your mercy to reveal its source.  Yesterday you did just that, but it was certainly something that I never, ever thought it would be.  

Hydrocephalus... something I have always thought was confined to newborn babies.  Now I learn that, at the age of 63, hydrocephalus also comes to adults and “the elderly”.  Yes, that includes me.  To say that the diagnosis surprised me is a huge understatement.  This is something I would never have ever suspected.  I’m still processing it all and learning as much as I can about hydrocephalus, the medication that I’ve started taking for it and the potential for having a brain shunt put in at some point.  Show me, Lord, all that I need to know and give me Your peace that passes all understanding.  It’s sobering to suddenly learn that I have something that could kill me if left untreated.  It’s not yet my turn to come to You.

Since receiving this diagnosis, I have looked back over the past several years and have seen Your amazing love and power that has strengthened me, helped me, and upheld me in situations where I should never have been able to function.  Your hand of protection on me is the only reason I am still here and functioning.  Such a gift, Lord, makes me speechless and eternally grateful.  I am humbled as I consider it all.  You have done great and mighty things and I give You all the praise, honor and glory.  I thank You, Lord, for it all.

Having said all of that, Lord, I surrender this to You.  We both know that I am unable to bear this gift apart from You.  Lead and guide me in the path You have for me.  I will walk beside You in this, holding Your hand and keeping my eyes on You.  Only by Your grace, of course, Lord.    

Test

“For I am the Lord, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand, and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.’”  Isaiah 41:13

“for it is God Who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.”  Philippians 2:13

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”  Genesis 50:30

Spinal tap with radioactive isotope + cisternogram= one more step to the true diagnosis of my constant headache.... thank You, Lord!  If the answer is not through this test, You will show us where to go from there.  

“The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”  Isaiah 58:11

I can hardly wait, Lord.  No matter what comes, I know that YOU will be with me.  I indeed can do all things through Christ Who gives me His strength to face the unknown.  May it all be to Your greatest glory, praise and honor. 

Nervous

Why am I nervous, Lord?  I’ve been to a lot of doctor’s appointments in the past several years, but those that are coming up in the next two weeks are causing apprehension in me.  I don’t want that apprehension, but the Enemy seems insistent that I take my eyes off of You and worry about what “could” happen at those appointments.  While I fully trust that You alone are sovereign about what happens in those appointments, the unknown is hard to accept right now, especially about the appointment with the new neurologist.  I am weary (and impatient, I’m afraid) of not knowing what is going on with this constant headache.  I believe You have told me in Your Word that You are going to give this a name through this new neurologist.  I want the true diagnosis, but certainly wonder what that true diagnosis is and how it will change my life and the lives of those I love and care for.  Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing to do, Lord?  You have gone before me and You know what is coming.  You have already made the way for me to walk forward in whatever Your plan for me is.  You are Sovereign God and I need Your peace and grace for all these appointments.  Why am I worrying?  Ok, Lord, I know why.  I’m looking at things through the eyes of man, not Yours.  Such a foolish thing to do.  BY YOUR GRACE, I will walk into these appointments with hope in You.... that whatever happens is part of Your plan for my life so that You may increase in me and in the lives of others and that we will all decrease... all to Your greatest glory.  Not my will, but Yours be done, Abba Father... Yours alone. 

“The Lord is my Light and my Salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the Strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”  Psalm 27:1

“Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all of you who hope in the Lord.”  Psalm 31:24  

The Son-Powered Life

“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, Who is the Head over every power and authority.”  Colossians 2:9-10

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him Who called us by His own glory and goodness.”  2 Peter 1:3

It’s funny, Lord, how You fill me with Your thoughts.  As I watched a television commercial tonight, there it was.  A simple commercial from an air conditioning company made such sense to me when I changed one tiny letter in their slogan.  They spoke of sun-filled power (a reference to solar power, I believe), but my first thought was not sun-filled but SON-filled power.  That’s what You have given me... the power of Your own Son living in me, enabling me to live an abundant life through Him.  That, dear Lord, is my desire.  Please, Lord, may I live that Son-filled life day by day so that You are always glorified in and through my life.  Yes, Lord, I know.... all by Your grace.

Stability

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”  Hebrews 13:8

Stability... something that the world cannot offer me, Lord.  In this world everything changes... the weather, my circumstances, my health, my relationships, my location, my finances.  There is no certainty in this world.  There is no stability.

Then I think of You, Lord, and I know that I know that I know that YOU are my only stability.  There is no security apart from You.  You alone are my only security, my only stability.  When the world around me is chaotic, I look to You and find stability and security, peace and grace, power and strength.  I find the Way through anything in this world.  

“The eternal God is your Refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.  He will drive out your enemy before you, saying, ‘Destroy him!’”  Deuteronomy 33:27

“Simon Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.  We believe and know that You are the Holy One of God.”  John 6:68-69